


Spliff in One Hand, Wine in the Other

by atheldamn



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bath Sex, Casual Sex, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Fuckbuddies, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Recreational Drug Use, but they care about each other, immature jokes, lots of swearing and name calling, not-really-an established relationship, they're both aromantic but it's not really mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:09:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atheldamn/pseuds/atheldamn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"With the spliff in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, his eyes dark as he looked up at Montparnasse, and surrounded by an assortment of potted plants and other odd trinkets he’d collected and decorated the edge of the bath with, he looked like some sort of poster boy for the bohemian lifestyle."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spliff in One Hand, Wine in the Other

“You’re a walking cliché,” Montparnasse told Jehan as he unscrewed the wine and fetched glasses from the cupboard. Jehan simply shrugged, crouched in the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink, fumbling through bottles of bleach as he searched for the weed they stashed back there.

“I want a bath, a joint, and a drink. I’m just combining all three. Anyway, says you, with your gelled hair and your leather jacket and studded boots.” He shot him a coy look over his shoulder, biting his lip. “Don’t tell me you don’t wanna join me. Got a better offer?”

Montparnasse sighed, rolling his eyes. “Fuck you, you know I ain’t.”

“Good. Come on then.” Jehan stood, swaying his hips as he walked to the bathroom, the bath already filled, and Montparnasse knew already that there was a fourth thing on his mind. He followed eagerly.

Jehan was already undressed and stepping into the bath, and Montparnasse leaned against the doorframe, allowing him a moment to admire the view. It wasn’t a rarity to see Jehan naked, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it any less. The freckles that lay across his face also scattered themselves down the dark skin of his arms and torso, his back a sweeping S leading down to his rather incredible butt. Montparnasse wanted to bite it already. There was still a bruise from last time he had, faded but definitely there, a dark half-moon right down the bottom. It looked good.

“You going to join me, or just watch?” Jehan quipped, smirking at him as he gingerly sat. Jehan liked the water hot. Once he was in, he moaned softly, shutting his eyes and letting his head fall back, and suddenly, Montparnasse felt hot himself, never mind the steam. As quickly as he could, he peeled his clothes off and joined him, setting the drinks on the floor outside the tub.

“Why do I always get the tap end?” he grumbled, shoving Jehan’s legs out of the way as he tried to get in without wincing too much at the heat, his skin instantly turning pink as it was submerged. His legs ended up either side of his hips, and he rested his hands on his thighs. Jehan licked his lips and parted his legs a little more, both allowing him more room and giving him a far better view of his body.

“Because you’re too slow. Pass the weed.”

“Fuck you, I’m having it first.” Montparnasse grabbed the plastic bag from the floor beside the wine, ignoring Jehan’s whining and pouting, and lit the first joint, sighing as he inhaled. Without thinking, he leaned back, and stabbed himself in the back with the taps. He leapt forward, cursing, his hair coming loose from its usual stiff confines, and Jehan threw his head back and laughed.

“Serves you right. Gimme,” Jehan said, leaning forward and taking the joint from him without waiting for him to answer.

“Fuck’s sake,” Montparnasse grumbled, rubbing his back and shifting forward in the bath. Jehan hooked his legs around his hips, pulling him closer, and took a deliberately long and slow drag, an eyebrow raised. Jehan knew he was beautiful, all big eyes and big lips and delicate bones, and he definitely used it to his advantage when he wanted something. “You could have just said you wanted to fuck.”

“I wanted this as well. Where’d you get this? It’s really good,” he asked, swiftly avoiding Montparnasse’s point and handing the joint back to Montparnasse. 

“I met a guy last month. Said it was the best he’d ever gotten hold of.”

“You did not fuck him for weed!” Jehan’s face was comical, surprised and amused - definitely not judging. Montparnasse shrugged.

“Technically, no. He fell asleep after we fucked and I stole it.” Jehan laughed again, musical, echoing off the tiled walls, and he reached over the side for a glass of wine and took a sip.

“You’re incredible.” Jehan splashed softly at him, and Montparnasse smirked as he took another drag, already feeling more relaxed. The guy hadn’t been lying, that was certain. “Got any more?”

“Nah, this is it.”

“Not like you can go find him again to get more.”

“You could.” That earned another splash, this one harder, and Montparnasse raised the joint out of the way before Jehan got it wet. “Watch it, fucker.” Jehan simply shook his head and took a long drink of wine.

“Nah, I’ll survive, I suppose,” he lamented, pulling the ashtray closer and tapping the end off.

“Oh, will you?” Montparnasse asked, leaning over the side and picking up his own glass. Condensation had collected on the side, and it was refreshingly cool compared to the hot bath. He took a contented sip.

“Shut up. I’m not that bad.” Even as he protested, he took another puff, and Montparnasse allowed himself to take a long look at him. With the spliff in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, his eyes dark as he looked up at Montparnasse, and surrounded by an assortment of potted plants and other odd trinkets he’d collected and decorated the edge of the bath with, he looked like some sort of poster boy for the bohemian lifestyle. His lips curved upwards as he smiled. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Beauty is a social construct. I adhere to some social ideals of beauty. Freckles were once considered marks of the devil, as was dark skin and dreads. Many would be put off by this.” He gestured with both hands, and Montparnasse reached forward to rescue the weed. “In another twenty years time, I might be ugly again.”

“Never.”

“You think I am beautiful. That’s your opinion. Everything is opinion. I look at the sun or a tree or a pattern in a brick wall, and I find that beautiful, in the same way some find clean lines and chrome beautiful. Some think the sea is beautiful, others find it terrifying, like I find space intimidating and others long to know what is far out there. Beauty is… It’s nothing, it’s all opinion. People shouldn’t brand one another ‘the most beautiful person in the world’ because there will always be someone out there who, to someone else, is more beautiful. The most beautiful person doesn’t exist. For example, I find you incredibly beautiful as well, but I know for a fact that Courfeyrac thinks you’re too angular and he doesn’t like your hair.”

“Fuck him, I am beautiful” Montparnasse said, exhaling slowly and enveloping himself in a cloud of smoke. He never stopped Jehan when he was rambling. Usually, people who spoke too much irritated him, but he could listen to Jehan talk for hours. Had done, in the past, when he didn’t want to say anything himself. 

Jehan bumped his heel against his back in reprimand and took another long drink, his glass already half empty.

“Vain white bastard,” Jehan mocked, and Montparnasse grinned, wriggling on the spot in an attempt to get more comfortable, difficult sat in a hard bath. Jehan’s eyes dropped rather obviously to between his legs, and what Montparnasse didn’t expect was for him to start giggling uncontrollably.

“What?” he asked, affronted.

“Wiggle again. Watch, watch your cock, it dances,” Jehan managed, pointing, and though Montparnasse blushed, he looked down and wriggled his hips again. His cock was a little hard, as it always seemed to be once Jehan was naked, and when he shifted his hips it seemed to move in a delay, waving back and forth in the water. He couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Fucking weird…” he mumbled, emptying his wine glass and looking away from his cock.

“I like it,” Jehan purred.

“Yeah, and you’re fucking weird.” Jehan shrugged, splashing at him again. It always surprised Montparnasse how quickly Jehan could go from spouting eloquent speeches about something like beauty, to pointing out the weird way dicks moved in water.

“You love it.” Jehan started shifting his hips from side to side, watching his own cock ‘dance’, and they both fell about laughing, Montparnasse again banging his back on the taps - which only made them laugh more. Wine, alcohol, and wiggly dicks combined to make them both idiots, and it took them a few minutes to catch their breath.

Jehan made a sad noise and fished the end of their spliff out of the water. Montparnasse had dropped it without even noticing, giggling like a fool.

“There was so much left,” he whined, setting the damp end on the side of the bath. Jehan then proceeded to lean over the side and fish the other joint from the bag. “Luckily there is another!”

Montparnasse refilled his wine, much preferring the effects of alcohol to too much weed, and took a long drink as Jehan smoked a good third of the joint, enjoying the moment of comfortable quiet.

“You’re gonna poison the plants,” he mumbled, his lips numb, and even that made him giggle. Jehan smiled and pointed upwards.

“Open the window then.”

“You do it, lazy fucker.”

“Can’t,” Jehan stated, suddenly looking entirely serious. “My legs don’t like me.” For a long moment, they continued to look seriously at each other, before both giggling again, Montparnasse, slapping at Jehan’s stomach beneath the water before pushing himself to his feet.

His own legs were, seemingly, on strike, and he wobbled dangerously before slapping his hands to the wall and leaning against it.

“Tosser. Jesus, that shit’s strong,” he mumbled, shaking his head to try and clear the fluffiness behind his eyes. Squinting at the wall, he reached up to the window. It was stiff, hadn’t been opened in a while, and it took a few hard shoves to even start to move it.

He had about a moment’s warning, the feeling of warm breath on his cock, before there was a tongue running up the length of him, all the way from the head to the base, and further up his stomach. It took Montparnasse a while to even realise what was happening, and he gasped, hands gripping the window and pulling his hips back out of the way.

“Horny fucker, what are you doing?” he hissed, swallowing hard against the sudden, but distant, surge of arousal that wound around the bottom of his stomach. His knees weakened as Jehan smiled up at him, blinking slowly.

“Couldn’t help myself. It’s so pink. Go on, let me,” he said, lips on his cock again, tongue darting out and licking softly at him. 

“You can’t, I’ll fall- fuck, I’ll fall over,” Montparnasse protested, knuckles white around the handle of the window. He couldn’t take his eyes off Jehan, and he knew he wouldn’t have a chance. Jehan always got what he wanted.

To prove his point, Jehan wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, sucking gently, still looking up at him, and Montparnasse gulped back a moan.

“I hate you.” Jehan released him with a soft hum, and took another long drag of the weed before speaking.

“Yeah, but I’m amazing at sex.”

“... Well I’m hard now, you’ve already started, might as well finish.” Jehan grinned, and Montparnasse’s stomach flopped as Jehan leant back forwards, his free hand coming up to hold his butt, and taking him in his mouth. Jehan didn’t hold back, bringing Montparnasse to fully hard in less than a minute, and he didn’t drag anything out, not like he usually did. He shut his eyes and swallowed around him, and Montparnasse scrabbled for something to hold on to as his legs weakened with every firm suck.

“Jesus fuck, Jehan,” he moaned, his hips rocking forward into his mouth, and Jehan moaned right back. The vibrations shot straight through him, suddenly making everything sharper and more present, and he thrust forward again as Jehan pulled him closer with his fingers digging into his butt.

The sudden movement put Montparnasse off balance, and he slipped on the floor of the bath, hand flying out to try and support himself. Jehan let go and put both hands on his hips, trying to steady him as Montparnasse swore violently under his breath. He managed to hold himself up and not fall over and injure himself. 

“That was your fault,” he blamed Jehan, but the other simply grinned up at him.

“It’s cute how easy you fall over for me,” Jehan mocked.

“Fuck you. Fucking… please,” he said, shifting his hips and bumping his cock against Jehan’s lips. Begging wasn’t unusual when it came to Jehan, and he felt no shame in it. Jehan simply smiled up at him and took him back in his mouth, tongue pressing up against his cock, and Montparnasse moaned. Jehan knew exactly how to take him apart, with or without other substances. The only thing stopping him from putting his hand on his head and fucking his mouth was the fear of falling over.

His orgasm suddenly punched through him only minutes later, taking him by surprise, and he cried out, leaning forward, hair falling over his face. His hand gripped the handle of the window so hard, he swore he heard it creak, his weight hanging off the one arm. Jehan released his cock as he came, but Montparnasse barely noticed, elation rushing through him and leaving him breathless and shaking.

Hands eventually led him to sitting, strong on his waist, and Montparnasse finally opened his eyes. The first thing they focused on was Jehan’s chest and collarbones, shiny not only with water but-

“I came on you,” he pointed out, voice slurred and rough. “I never come on you.”

“I usually don’t want it,” Jehan replied, leaning forward and laying soft kisses over his cheeks and lips. “But I did. I wanted you to lick it off.” Montparnasse met his eye, finding his gaze unwavering and heavy, and he kissed Jehan hard, teeth biting into his lip. Jehan whined, free hand slipping up into Montparnasse’s hair and gripping tight enough to hurt. When he gasped, Jehan only pulled harder, and kissed him harder, and though he’d come only a minute ago, Montparnasse felt his cock try to show an interest again.

It was Jehan who broke the kiss, leaving them both breathless and red-lipped, and he brought the joint to Montparnasse’s lips, grabbing the lighter and re-lighting it, letting him take a long drag. When he took it away, he replaced the joint with his lips, shotgunning the smoke from his mouth.

“Good boy,” he murmured, giggling slightly as he exhaled, the smoke rising around them. With a slight push to Montparnasse’s head, he moved him towards his collarbones, where the majority of his come had landed, and Montparnasse obediently licked his spend from his skin, cleaning him. His nose wrinkled in disgust, but he felt no desire to stop. He licked until he was clean, until the taste of come faded under the taste of salt from his skin.

Jehan pushed against his shoulder, stopping him, and shifting forward. “Get behind me,” he said, voice low and harsh, and Montparnasse moved quickly, sitting behind him and spreading his legs so Jehan could settle between them. He held the joint up, and Montparnasse leant forward, taking a drag while Jehan reached outside the bath and grabbed Montparnasse’s wine.

“Oi,” he protested, biting Jehan’s shoulder.

“Here,” Jehan said, holding it back for him but not releasing it, so Montparnasse had to hold the glass in both their hands and take a long drink.

Once he had his fill, he released the glass and set his hands low on Jehan’s stomach, making him jump.

“Fuck, cold!”

“You stole my wine and my weed,” Montparnasse pointed out.

“Fair enough,” Jehan whined, rocking his hips up so his cock brushed Montparnasse’s knuckles. “Now get me off.”

Montparnasse laughed softly in his ear, feeling him shiver against him. “I almost died during that blowjob.” One hand dipped lower, fingers against the base of his cock, but he gave him no relief. “You’re going to have to ask nicer than that.”

“Don’t be a fucker. Come on, M, I want it,” he whined, shifting his hips again and pushing back against him, his back arching. Montparnasse didn’t relent, but simply turned his head and kissed his neck, drawing another desperate noise from him. “Montparnasse…”

“Go on. Beg.” He bit softly at his ear, and Jehan squeaked.

“Please, Montparnasse, please, touch me, I’m sorry for stealing your weed, I’ll make it up to you, whatever you like, just fucking get me off, you cock!”

Montparnasse relented, smiling against his skin, and wrapped a hand around Jehan’s cock. He’d seemingly forgotten about the wine in his hand, but he remembered the joint, moaning before sucking in another quick drag. His hips rocked forward into his hand, and like he was with everything else, he was open and unashamed with his reactions. Montparnasse brought his other arm around his chest, holding him close as he lined hickeys up his neck.

Under his breath and between moans, Jehan softly begged, rocking his cock harder into Montparnasse’s hand, and it didn’t take long before he sucked in a breath and tensed and shook against him, coming silently as he always did. Montparnasse kept stroking him until he shivered and tried to pull his hand away.

“See? Beautiful,” Montparnasse told him, laying soft kisses along his neck and jaw. Jehan twisted and caught his lips, brushing against him, unable to do much more. Miraculously, he hadn’t yet spilled a drop of wine, but turning to kiss Montparnasse, Jehan tipped it too much, and it splashed into the water.

“Oops,” Jehan mumbled against his lips, setting the glass down before he broke it and giggling.

“S’only cheap wine,” Montparnasse replied, taking his jaw in his hand and turning his head more to kiss him fully. This kiss was slow and deep and lingering, unlike the loaded, desperate exchange from earlier, and this time, Jehan didn’t pull away. They broke apart naturally, foreheads resting against each other for a moment, before Jehan ruined the moment.

“I’m cold,” he whined, taking a final drag before standing up, hand to the wall to stop himself falling straight out of the bath, and handing the joint to Montparnasse.

“You’re the one who wanted to fuck in a bath. Water gets cold, dickhead,” Montparnasse replied, laying back and holding the joint between his lips. “You want warm, pick a bed.”

“Shh, it was a whim. You know how I love a whim.” Jehan wrapped a towel around himself, drying his arms and frowning at him. “You seriously staying there?”

“S’not that bad,” he lied, staying instead to prove a point. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Suit yourself,” Jehan shrugged, opening the door and letting a wave of cold air in. Montparnasse swore under his breath, and he heard Jehan laughing from the bedroom, as he got out, trying to find a decent towel.

“Cruel bastard!”

“You love it!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading! Everything is welcome.
> 
> You can find me at [tumblr](http://switchferre.tumblr.com)!


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